What is anxiety really like?
Well, I’ll tell you. It’s like this constant weight on your chest. It’s the worst pang in your heart. It’s an incessant worry, a persistent stream of scenarios in your head. You are your worst enemy 24/7. The thing is, it’s not insecurity. It’s not craziness or insanity, it’s anxiety.
So, I have to ask, what would you do if you could just separate yourself completely? I mean it. What would you do if I told you that you can control your anxiety?
How can you even do that, anyway?
***Major key alert***
With anxiety, your mind becomes a raceway of thoughts crashing and rushing past each other. Everything piles up into a huge daunting ordeal. So, we need to separate that huge pile of anxiety so that you don’t become a pile of anxiety, ‘ya feel me?
You have to take it one worry at a time. As crazy as it sounds, think of it as trying a bunch of outfits on. You have your “Hell yes” pile, your “Hell no” pile, and the “Maybe” pile. When you first walked into that dressing room, you had a big mess of clothes. You don’t want to have to take the time to try them on, but how else are you going to really know what works for you? You have to try them on, one by one, and figure it out.
That’s what you have to do with anxiety, take it apart and ask yourself:
1.) Is this in my control?
Yes: If yes, okay, what are we doing about it, then? How can we make this better?
No: Let it go. Immediately. Throw it in the “hell no” pile.
2.) What am I worried about?
Anxiety comes at you as an overwhelming mess that sends your mind into a state of turmoil. You have to force yourself to really focus on what you’re worried about. Work it out, put a face on it, and then face it head on.
3.) Ask, “And then what?”
Once you’ve figured out what the hell is making you so anxious, really think about it. A huge source of anxiety is the “what-ifs.” So answer it.
I have a friend, she had so much anxiety over a guy that was jerking her heart around. She would go into a full blown anxiety attack when he would ignore her for hours on end.
I sat her down and said, “Listen, let’s figure this out. “What is making you so anxious?” It was her “what ifs,” which were: “He doesn’t want me,” “He lost interest,” “I did something wrong,” “He’s done talking to me,” the list goes on.
Now that we’ve put a face on it, deal with it. You’re worried about the “what ifs” so let’s find out what happens if those what ifs come through, and down play them because you build it up to be way worse in your mind. You have to break it down.
“He doesn’t want me”
— “Okay, then what? What’s the worst that can happen then? You’ll find a guy who does? You’ll do you for a hot minute? Him not wanting you doesn’t define you and has no power on your life unless YOU let it. It has no effect on your value. ”
“He lost interest”
—“Okay, then what? What’s the worst that can happen if that’s true? Take a hint, cut him off, and stop hanging on his every word or move. So what, look past it, stay busy, don’t let his interest in you consume all of your interest.”
“He’s done talking to me”
“Okay, so let that be it. You’re done talking to him. Take five minutes and be sad about it, and then hit that switch and be done with it. Don’t let his actions define yours. Decide to be tough. You can decide that, you know.”
“I did something wrong?”
“What could you have done? Seriously, tell me.” When you go to put the blame on yourself, you have to disqualify those ridiculous reasons you’re offering. Get it all out, and throw each reason in the “hell no” pile.
Put a face on it. Identify it. Sort it out. You will find relief when you realize you have the power to compartmentalize your thoughts and anxiety.