For some reason, the sun kind of forgot about Maine for a hot minute there. It honestly really takes its toll on people, myself especially. I am the type of person that NEEDS the sun. Not only that, I swear I get unbelievably anxious when the sun is out and I’m stuck inside. I mean, obviously everyone wants to be outside when it’s nice, but I seriously think I have a condition where I need to be out there. I’m typing this from my office on an absolutely gorgeous day. I get upset and find myself with an unbearable longing to be by the ocean on the days that I am forced to stay inside.
Here’s the thing about my job though, guys. I work at a hospital, home of the ultimate reality checks handed out daily. I was leaving for my break, trying to soak up any sun and warmth I possibly could, when it hit me: I can actually leave.
On the walk from my office to my car, I walked past patients in wheelchairs being pushed down the hallways, observing the nice day through the window, and patients struggling to walk just a few steps. There I was, speed walking to my car. Have you ever had a moment like “wow, I’m an asshat”? Because I definitely had that moment.
That cold harsh reality check slapped me right in the face.
These people want to be outside on nice days too (or any day). They long to feel the warmth of the sun too. But unlike me, they cannot. I felt almost imprisoned in my office looking outside the window longing for the warm weather (not that I don’t love my job because I do) until I saw these people fighting for their lives, and humbly appreciative to feel the sunshine just through the rays in the hallways.
Whether you witness it firsthand in a hospital or not, let me tell you, you don’t realize how fortunate you are until you see people who absolutely can’t do the things you can or want to do. I get to walk out of this hospital at the end of my shift. They cannot. They are truly stuck here.
My whole lunch break was consumed with thoughts whirling around my head surrounding this sudden realization. I had 30 minutes to soak in the sunshine, drink my coffee, and feel the warm breeze. I couldn’t help but wonder what one of those patients would have done to have those precious moments.
So then it really hit me: I cannot spend one minute of this life away from what I’m passionate about. I can’t waste these years not going after what I want or limiting myself, because there may come a day when I am truly unable to do the things I long to do. I think I get so anxious and down because I feel like I can’t do the things that set my soul on fire, but I can. Now is the time. So tonight I will start planning and start doing.
Here’s my list:
- Travel the U.S.
- Hold a Koala in Australia
- Dip my toes in every ocean
- Go to as many beaches as I can
- Hike Mt. Barometer for my guardian angel
- Write my book
- Fulfill my dream of being a professional blogger
- Read every F. Scott Fitzgerald book
- Run a marathon
- Hike some kick ass trails
- Travel the world
- Hear as many stories as I can
- Tell as many stories as I can
- Jump off that same cliff that Jason Segal did in forgetting Sarah Marshall
- High five Seth Rogan
- To keep adding to this list as I cross things off.