Diary of A College Grad: how I got here

I’m finally a college grad. Hellllllll yessssss 🎓🙌


College has never been easy for me.  It could have been.  I’m smart enough, people say I have a whole lot of charisma, and I’m pretty ambitious.  The problem was, I wasn’t passionate, so I wasn’t motivated.  I was always running away because I felt passionate about throwing myself into the unknown and not being locked down into that structure.

Last year, I left school completely.  I didn’t tell anyone, I just stopped going my spring semester and wasn’t even in town.  Instead, I was about 2 and a half hours away, living a completely different life.  I didn’t see my friends, family, and certainly wasn’t seeing the inside of a classroom those days. I loved Portland.  It was new, exciting, and had awesome restaurants and city life.  The people there just had a whole new energy than my small town, and I liked life in the fast lane not knowing what each day would hold and embracing the risk that came with it all.

When I came back home, I had what felt like nothing.  My friends had given up on me because they didn’t support my decision to leave school and the fantasy world I had been living in, and they didn’t like the person I had become.  I had changed so much and even then, I was in pieces.

I had been scared to go back into school, and kept putting it off.  I finally woke up one day and knew I had to face it.  So I got my ass back on campus, sat with my adviser and the dean of students and cried my eyes out, explaining that I didn’t know what had happened to me.  I didn’t know how I had lost myself completely, how I had ventured so far away from my goals, how I had thrown it all away for a situation that I invested so much time and traveling in, knowing it would never end the way I wanted it to at the time.  I didn’t know who I was anymore. I felt empty. I couldn’t feel at all until all of that “nothingness” turned into anger. I was truly a train wreck.

You know, when I looked down and my feet were moving towards the school, I wasn’t sure if I was heading to my doom or to someone who could throw me a lifeline. Luckily, people were there to pull me out of the horrible place I had been in for months.

The point is, I was terrified of facing reality because I thought I had screwed my entire life up.  Things were bad, yes, but it had to happen to get me to where I am now.  I realized you have to face things that scare the absolute sh** out of you to get what you want in this life.  Feel the fear and do it anyway.

A year ago, I didn’t think I could even get back into school after going completely MIA for a semester, but here I am, a year later, with my degree. Sitting there at graduation I looked around and everyone was cheering with big smiles and full hearts. I took it all in because I knew I finally made it.

It’s been a hell of a ride.  I changed my major twice, transferred out then transferred back in, left school without telling anyone for a fantasy world 2 hours away from home for the whole semester, and somehow ended up here. 

What’s in front of me?  I don’t know.  But I know the sun is in my eyes.

Stay Golden.

 

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Just a 23 year old recent college graduate who is totally okay with not knowing what's next. Adventurer, wanderer, and dreamer but hopefully in the most non cliche way. Happiest by the ocean.

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